Archive for the tag - dating

Weight Loss Can Cause Relationship Tension!

two men exerciseLosing weight has a number of important benefits. Many of those benefits improve your physical and emotional health. But losing weight can also have an impact on your romantic relationships – and not always for the better.

A paper from researchers at North Carolina State University examines the effects of weight loss on relationships. For the study, 21 couples in which one partner had lost at least 30 pounds were surveyed.

According the researchers, the impact of weight loss was often a positive one. In such instances, the partner who lost weight was able to talk about his or her changes – and, in doing so, inspire his or her partner to adopt a healthier lifestyle. These couples were able to bond over lifestyle changes and enjoyed improved physical and emotional intimacy.

But this wasn’t always the case.

For other couples, the impact of weight loss was negative. In some cases, the individual who lost weight nagged his or her partner to lose weight. This nagging led to added relationship tension. Moreover, some individuals reported feeling threatened or insecure because of their partners’ weight loss. These individuals tended to make critical comments, be less interested in intimacy and even tried to sabotage the success of their partners.

For better or worse, losing weight does affect relationship dynamics. But rather than dissuade someone from losing weight, researchers suggest:

[This study] should encourage people to be aware of the potential pros and cons of weight loss on their relationship. It is really important for the partner of someone trying to lose weight to be supportive of their significant other without feeling threatened by their health changes. This approach will help people lose weight without jeopardizing the quality of their relationship.

In other words, communication is hugely important. This is true of all relationships at all times, but especially true when experiencing or undertaking a life change like weight loss.

Have you ever lost weight in a relationship? How did it change your relationship?

Should I Join a Gay Gym?

If you’re a fitness-craving gay man living in a metropolitan area, then you’ve probably pondered this question: Should I join a gay gym?

It’s no secret that some gyms are gayer than others. As I write this article, I’m visiting downtown Toronto – and I could tell you exactly which gyms are known for being gay. The Extreme Fitness at Yonge and Dundas, for example, or the Goodlife at Bloor and Park. Yonge Street Fitness is pretty gay, too. In fact, while working out an especially gay (and now closed) gym, one of the members actually started kissing me in the middle of my ab workout.

On one hand, joining a gay gym can foster a sense of community. It’s always a nice change to not be in the minority – or outnumbered by straight people. Despite the unsolicited sexual advances, it feels safer. And it’s fun to see your friends while working out.

On the other hand, gay gyms come with their fair share of distractions. For one, they tend to be very cruisey. There will be no shortage of eye contact or staring, and you’ll need to ask yourself if you’re at the gym to workout – or to find a man. Or perhaps both. Whatever your motivation, be honest with yourself about it. If you really are joining a gym purely to workout, the distractions can be difficult.

Personally, I enjoy visiting gay gyms when I’m traveling. But, as a general rule, I don’t screw where I lift; it’s much easier to find a good man than it is to find a good gym. If you do hook up or get into a relationship with a gym buddy, know that you’ll continue to see him again and again when you workout. Depending on the experience, that could be a great thing. Or it could be horrible, awkward and uncomfortable.

I don’t think there’s an easy answer to the question, but I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Do you prefer working out at a gay gym? Why or why not?

How to Get Your Boyfriend to Work Out: 5 Tips.

Dear Davey,

I go to the gym a lot and enjoy staying active. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is a couch potato. While I love him the way he is, I really think hitting the gym could benefit him. How can I get him to exercise?

From,
Casey

Hey Casey,

The funny thing about changing other is that it’s nearly impossible; people only change when they’re ready. It takes tons and tons of energy and effort to try and bend someone to our will – and, ultimately, I think that energy is better served is other endeavors.

Having said that, if your boyfriend seems open to exercise, I do have a few tips to help cultivate his inner Arnold:

  1. Lead by example. Inspire your boyfriend to exercise by being a role model. Through your own active and healthy lifestyle, demonstrate the amazing exercise benefits that you enjoy.
  2. Plan fitness dates. Who says date night needs to be dinner and a movie? One of my favorite date ideas is going climbing at a rock gym. It fosters great communication and team work – and it’s fantastic exercise. If your boyfriend enjoys it, he’ll probably want to go back. Sometimes you just need to find the type of exercise that he enjoys. You could also try gymnastics, tennis, swimming, spinning, hiking, yoga or any other activity.
  3. Pin it on Fido. If you have a dog, start taking more frequent walks. Eventually, you can make it a habit. Even an afternoon walk, when done over and over again for many months, can make a big difference.
  4. Use positive reinforcement. A lot encouragement goes a long way. After engaging in exercise with your significant other, compliment him on his progress, increased energy levels, etc.. Flattery can work wonders.
  5. Give him the gift of fitness. For a lot of people, the biggest exercise barrier is not knowing what to do. For a holiday, birthday or anniversary gift, book him a few sessions with a personal trainer. The trainer can show him the ropes and help create a plan tied to his goals.

Using these tips, you may be able to inspire your boyfriend to live a more active lifestyle. But you may not. While it’s very difficult to try and change others, it’s much easier to change ourselves. If your boyfriend wants to be sedentary, ask yourself if it’s something you can learn to accept.

Love,
Davey

New Study: Single People Weigh Less.

A new study provides evidence for the "fat and happy" phenomenon.

You’ve probably heard the expression “fat and happy” to describe people in long-term relationships.

The idea is pretty simple: Because these individuals are no longer on the dating market, their outward appearance becomes less important. They’ve found a mate, and so they don’t think twice about eating the extra slice of pizza or cake. Eventually, those calories and pounds add up. At least, that’s the theory.

According to Thomas Klein, a German professor who studies the link between happiness and body weight, it’s true. Klein’s researchers studied 2,000 people between the ages of 16 and 55 and found that single people, on average, weighed less than their committed counterparts. Klein concluded: “In a happy partnership, people tend to get fat.”

Researchers also discovered that when one partner abruptly loses weight, it can be an indication that he or she is readying themselves for the dating market – and preparing to end the existing relationship. Of course, this isn’t always the case; a renewed interest in fitness can be influenced by a number of factors.

For me, the takeaway is that many of us need to rethink fitness.

Yes, exercise and nutrition can transform your body in a way that others may find attractive. But the more important reasons to exercise – like increased energy, improved overall health, disease prevention, longevity, better sleep, etc. – run much deeper.

There’s nothing wrong with exercising to look good, but the superficial benefits of exercise pale in comparison to the real ways that it can transform your life.