Archive for the tag - self worth

Taking the First Step to Fitness…

Dear Davey,

I’ve recently been trying to finally take that difficult first step, and start loosing weight and getting in shape. I’m 22, 5’8, and weight almost 190lbs… I really want to loose a few (like 5) inches off my waist, as I’ve gone from a size 30, to a size 36 in the last 3 years.

I really want to get into better shape, as I’ve felt incredibly unattractive for the last few years, and its really getting me down. I’ve seen so many infomercials for these “loose inches in weeks” and “burn fat in minutes a day” that my eyeballs are about to bleed. I don’t want a miracle, I just want something that will finally work for me, and get to a point where I WANT to take my shirt off, and shower with my boyfriend without feeling like dirt.

From,
Josh

Hey Josh,

I know that a lot of people can relate to your story. And yes, the first step is definitely the hardest step to take.

But let’s back this bus up. I don’t know you – and yet I’m completely sure that you are a unique and beautiful human being that is totally worthy of love and adoration. Our self-worth is intrinsic and you are a valuable human being by virtue of your existence.

You are not dirt; we are all gods and goddesses in embryo. Know that – and don’t let anyone take it away from you.

When you look at your body with kindness or gratitude instead of frustration, shame or resentment, it creates a more loving foundation. And as you learn to love your body a little bit more, it becomes easier to do those things that honor it – like engaging in regular exercise and following a proper diet. By giving your body the gift of movement and nourishing foods, you’ll transform the way you look.

There’s really no secret. Losing weight in a sustainable way requires exercise (both cardio and strength training), a healthy diet and a more loving relationship with your body. It’s not a magic pill or a quick fix; instead, it’s a process – and it takes time, energy and persistence. But it can work for you because it can work for everyone.

Obviously, you’ll have to fit exercise and nutrition into the parameters of your life, your time, your budget and your schedule – but it’s all totally doable.

Maybe you can take the first step right now. Maybe you can look yourself in the mirror and tell your body that you’re going to treat it differently. Today can be the start of the new you.

Enjoy the transformation.

Love,
Davey

Dear Davey: I Want to Feel Loved.

Dear Davey,

I’m trying to lose weight and get in shape. So far, I’ve lost a few pounds and some of my friends think that I look great. Even so, I still overhear strangers snickering at my weight and kids pointing me out to their parents. I try to laugh it off but it kills me inside.

When I look in the mirror, I see a fat guy with a big heart but an even bigger belly… and I know that no one will give me a chance. I just want to feel loved and wanted, but I don’t think anyone will give me the time of day.

I’m hoping you can give me some advice so that I can see what my friends see in me.

From,
James

James,

I’ve always said that what other people think of me is none of my business. Some of your friends might have wonderful things to say about you as a person or your weight loss journey – and then some people might not. If you measure yourself through the eyes of others, you’ll always be at the mercy of the world around you and subject to the ups and downs that come with it.

To really feel good about yourself, you have to seek validation from within. I know that it sounds sappy and unhelpful, but hear me out.

Just last night, I was watching a great TED talk by Brené Brown, Ph.D. A while back, Brown decided she was going to study the differences between people who felt a tremendous sense of self worth, love and belonging and those who struggled. She committed a year to the research. One year became six and a common thread emerged from all the interviews, focus groups and data points. Brown discovered that there is one – and only one – difference between those individuals who felt self worth and those who don’t.

People who have a strong sense of self worth, love and belonging believe that they are deserving of those things. That’s it. They weren’t smarter, taller, prettier or skinnier.

Sometimes we use exercise or dieting to try and treat the symptoms of deeper issues. If you want to feel better about yourself, changing the way you look on the outside will have a limited effect on how you feel in the inside.

Through her research, Brown suggests that we learn to look at our so-called imperfections or vulnerabilities as things that make us beautiful, real and human. Whether it’s the beer gut, grey hairs or anything else, all of these things are part of you. It’s not even that in spite of these vulnerabilities that you are worthy so much as it is because of these things.

You are worthy; it’s your birthright.

Ironically, when you make this shift to be kinder and gentler to yourself, a new relationship is born. And from the more loving relationship, it’s easier to make healthier and wiser decisions – whether it’s going to the gym or making better food choices. As you become motivated to strengthen and nourish your body with movement, good food and love, your transformation comes from a place of true power.

James, you are enough. Know this.

Love,
Davey