Archive for the tag - relationship

My Boyfriend Is Making Me Fat.

Dear Davey,

My entire life, I was always very lean. Until I met my boyfriend. In just 2 years, I’ve gained more than 30 pounds with no end in sight. I’m officially overweight. What do I do?

From,
Keith

b7b225c4dddf23bc08eb45f6b5381930Hey Keith,

While we might joke that relationships make us “fat and happy,” there may be some truth to the age-old adage. According to one poll, 62% of respondents report gaining 14 pounds or more after starting a relationship. And a frequently referenced study from the New England Journal of Medicine found that having an obese spouse makes you 37% more likely to become obese yourself.

And it makes sense. When we’re in a relationship and off the market, we might become less concerned with our appearance. For some people, this might be an excuse to slack off on exercise or indulge in unhealthy foods. Maybe we make more time for our partner, and less time for ourselves. Or maybe our partner is an enabler, and we adopt his or her unhealthy eating habits. Instead of the usual salad, we opt for the pizza.

But let’s be clear: Unless there’s a feeding tube down your throat or you’re being held prisoner, no one can make you fat without your permission. All of us, regardless of relationship status, must take responsibility for what goes into our mouths and the exercise we get. We must take responsibility for our health.

The reality is, being off the market isn’t an excuse to skip exercise. Beyond looking a certain way, exercise is a necessary component to a healthy and productive life. And while it’s great to make time for the people we love, we have more to give others when we prioritize ourselves. If your partner orders a pizza, you can still choose something healthier. It’s not an excuse.

As a human being with free will, don’t use your partner as an excuse; take responsibility for your choices and subsequent weight gain. Understand that through smarter food choices and through increased movement, you can reverse the trend – and perhaps even inspire change in your partner’s lifestyle.

Your boyfriend didn’t make you fat. You made yourself overweight. But by utilizing that same power of choice, you can also make yourself healthier and fit.

Love,
Davey

P.S. If you need help getting started, I’d recommend downloading Davey Wavey’s Bootcamp Workout. With a series of at-home workout programs, you can lose weight and build muscle.

Fitness Is Like A Boyfriend…

jessieFitness, in many ways, is like having a boyfriend.

Both fitness and relationships are matters of priorities. If you want your relationship to work, then you need to make an investment of time, energy and effort. In the same way, you’ll only see results on the gym if it’s a priority in your life. None of us have time to work out; we make time to work out. And sometimes, that means making sacrifices and not doing some of the other things we might want to do – like watching Game of Thrones.

When someone said that there are no shortcuts to any place worth going, he or she may have had relationships in mind. In many ways, arriving at a fruitful relationship isn’t something that happens overnight. It can be a long journey. Similarly, there are no shortcuts or quick fixes at the gym – despite all the marketing gimmicks you might see along the way. It’s about exercise, nutrition and building a healthier relationship with your body.

You can’t cheat on a relationship and expect it to work. Being deceptive poisons a relationship and builds a wall between you and your partner. When it comes to fitness, cheating comes in many forms. It can be skipping workouts, not using a full range of motion in your exercises or not following a proper nutrition plan. When you cheat on fitness, don’t expect it to work. It builds a widening gap between you and the results you want.

Sure, the gym won’t hold your hand or kiss you goodnight…. But just like a relationship, the gym can change your life. It can help shape your character and teach you that you’re far stronger – both physically and emotionally – than you ever thought possible. Creating the body you’ve always wanted can inspire you and others and it helps enable you to live your best life.

So You Want to Make Your Ex Jealous With a Sexy New Body, Eh?

Dear Davey,

I was en route to work this morning and I bumped into my ex. He cheated on me every week for a year and I was dumped over the phone just before Christmas last year.

Anyway, where you come in… Looking at myself in the mirror, I think I have all the makings to have a fantastic body. I want to gain some muscle (but not too much!) and get as close as I can to a body like yours.

I promised myself I would look amazing if I ever bumped into him again and, well I failed. I am now giving myself untill the summer (not expecting miracles but a definite improvement) to look great.

What is the best way for me to gain muscle mass fast… and which exercises will give the best and quickest results?

I cannot bare to feel like I did this morning again. He looked great, and I looked… well, not.

Sincerely,
Man-On-A-Mission

Dear Man-On-A-Mission,

On one hand, I want to tell you that exercising to make another person jealous or envious isn’t a sustainable motivator. And it’s not coming from a place of true power. I want to tell you to spend your energy looking at today and moving forward, rather than looking back an a relationship that lacked fulfillment. I want to tell you that the time you spend in the gym should be an investment in yourself and an improvement to the quality of your life.

But on the other hand, who am I to talk? When I first started working out, my motivations weren’t the purest. I wanted to look like the Abercrombie & Fitch models that I saw at the mall. I wanted a hard stomach and bulging muscles. It was only months (or perhaps even years) into my exercising that I came to appreciate the much larger, non-superficial benefits of an active lifestyle. Today, it is those benefits (like better health, increased energy, improved sleep, etc.) that are my primary motivators. The muscular physique, is still nice, too. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now that I am done preaching, I’ll tackle your question. Building muscle mass quickly involves lifting free weights (dumbbells and barbells) in the low-rep range (usually 4 – 8 repetitions of each exercise). The weights should be heavy, and your muscles should be completely fatigued on your last repetition. Moreover, you’ll need to push yourself to constantly progress to higher amounts of resistance in order to increase the size of your muscles. Keep your sessions short – generally 45 minutes or less of lifting – and never train a muscle that is still sore from your previous workout (it makes sense to do different muscle groups on different days). Combine your strength training with a moderate amount of cardiovascular exercise.

Squat, barbell bicep curls, dead lifts, chest presses or other exercises that make use of free weights are where you’ll want to spend the bulk of your time. I generally do 4 sets of each exercise, but you’ll get most of the benefits from just one or two sets. So do what works best for your schedule and time commitments.

Know that you’ll need to increase the amount of food you consume, and especially increase your protein intake. Whey protein isolate is the best for muscle growth.

Since it’s the start of a new routine for you, you’ll probably want to limit yourself to 3 or 4 workouts per week. Over time, you can increase that – but don’t overdo it or else you may burnout.

For additional reading and details, check out my 8 tips for gaining muscle fast.

I’d say good luck but it’s really more science than luck!

Love,
Davey